I often write about matters from the heart; things in my life that I have observed from a holistic and real-life approach. But as E L James “50 Shades,” books have described over and over and over and over again, we women have an inner goddess inside us all and mine is quite funny. I might not be funny, but my inner goddess, or maybe more appropriately, wart wearing Medusa is. Most things that go on around me I think could be parodied into a SNL skit. I wish I could stop this train of thought especially when something serious arises, but I can’t. And it makes life more interesting. In other words, if you see me laughing to myself one day, don’t be alarmed and call Network 180 to haul me away. So goes my Ugly Baby Story….
It happened about 8 years ago that between our travels from GR to a destination up north we stopped at a McDonald’s for a quick bite and bathroom break. I was going to say “potty,” but that’s on my “nope” word list too. Corey took little Pete to the bathroom while I stood in line. In front of me, a baby that was maybe around, say 15 months old was standing near his mother, when he toddled backward in my direction. Instinctively, I caught him before he hit the floor, but when he looked up at me I recoiled in horror because he was truly one of the most unattractive babies I had ever laid eyes on with vampire-like teeth, hair that couldn’t decide which way to grow and eyes that disappeared when he smiled.
It actually pained me greatly to write that last long line above. Not because it isn’t true, but because I know that everyone who is reading this is thinking what a “B” I am right now. But, before you pull out the spears people, I think we all silently and collectively need to agree that not every infant is the gossamer, glowing love bug that we envision when we hear the word “baby.” The good news is that a good 98% of these babies probably grow up to be normal/average looking children- ya’ know when they get teeth and regular hair and don’t drool on themselves. I was in the 2%.
I don’t know that I was a particularly ugly baby, but I was definitely an unattractive 5 thru age 13’er. In fact, my 4th grade year my hair was so short ( I’ll save that story for another time) and I had non name-brand chuck shoes with obnoxiously thick soles that when I walked into the girls room at my elementary school, a girl laughingly remarked the boy’s room was next door. And then I went to my locker where I had saved a whole $3.99 chocolate log covered with shredded caramel and coconut from the school PTO Christmas catalog and ate the entire thing in that very lonely, green stall. I still eat treats in the bathroom today; comforting bad habits are hard to break. But I’m really well-adjusted now. I am!! See, I had to write it twice just saw that I, I mean you, got the point.
I hope I haven’t revealed anything that most of you, probably really all of you, have felt about an unattractive baby that you have come across in your life. I write this to let your guilt be free and I could not have laced that statement with more sarcasm if I tried. That said, these little children are absolutely precious miracles sent from above….. even if for a little while they have faces only their mothers could love.
katiethemomlady 